Sep 03

Emma Fialka-FeldmanGrowing up with my older brother, Micah, was not always easy—I mean how many siblings actually get along with their brother or sister all the time! We sure didn’t. Sometimes I wished he wasn’t my brother. And other times, we had a blast together—playing basketball, debating politics, watching funny movies. Having a brother with the label—intellectual disability—meant that our relationship was also different. At times I was embarrassed that my brother didn’t seem like my other friends’ siblings.  Other times, I was worried about what his future would look like and I felt that other siblings didn’t have to worry about these types of issues.

However, Micah’s drive for an inclusive education meant that I grew to love and value Micah for Micah, for who he is. Inclusion became fundamentally important for me as well as Micah. Inclusion meant that a community was being created around Micah. When I was in first grade, I saw Micah at recess with his peers—laughing and playing. Throughout my middle school experience, I saw Micah involved in peer groups. That meant that on some weekends, he’d leave home for overnight excursions with his friends. In high school, my older brother encouraged me to go to school dances and ultimately, the prom. He knew how important prom was for his high school experience and he wanted me to have that same “good time”. When I went off to college, I told my new college peers that my brother went to college too. I didn’t always have to explain the advocacy side of him; he could also just be my older brother who was studying at the university. Inclusion normalized his disability. The tangible results of inclusion meant that I could see others value Micah, I could see Micah participating in everyday activities, and in turn I could value Micah.

Now a junior at Mount Holyoke College, I am studying the intersection of disability and education issues. When I graduate I will have my teaching certificate in Early-Childhood Education. It is important that I teach in an inclusive classroom—so that the siblings in my classroom will see other individuals with disabilities participating, engaging with their peers, and ultimately being respected. My hope is that, they too, will be able to learn to appreciate their brother or sister with disabilities.

Most recently I helped Micah move into his dorm room. This was a powerful moment for me.

May all siblings of a brother or sister with a disability be able to help their sibling move out of their home into a home that they choose. May they be able to feel mixed emotions of over-protectiveness and excitement.  May they be able to talk to each other in a new way because now they both live away from home. May the sibling (without disabilities) who has felt embarrassed, pushed to the side, heard too many phone calls about a meeting for their sibling, ever felt alone, ever felt uncertain about the role they may play in their brother or sister’s future, ever felt frustrated at the way the rest of the world looks at their brother or sister—may they too experience something so great as I did when I helped my so-called “atypical” “retarded” “can’t do anything” “will never speak” “just put him in an institution” … yes, my creative, courageous, witty, powerful, brilliant, intelligent, loving, conscientious, funny, older brother move into a dorm, so he, too, can be once again be just my brother.

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Jul 19

Picture a classroom where all of the children look, act and develop exactly the same. You won’t see extensive learning opportunities on the part of the teacher or the children. Inclusion is necessary for fundamentals to be learned and expanded. This is what my son, Daniel (who was born with Down Syndrome), brings to his daycare class and the other two-year olds he interacts with, just as they bring these things to him and each other. Daniel has been part of an inclusive classroom since he started daycare at 4 months old. He is accepted as just another child by the other kids in his class, and as a learning and teaching experience by his teachers.

Daniel’s teachers have learned much more about child development as they have seen even the tiniest of changes in what he does. With many other children, they progress so fast that these changes go unnoticed; such as the way your entire body has to learn how to walk up stairs, not just your legs. Or in the way your mouth, arms, hands and trunk of your body has to mold itself and build up muscles in order to drink from a straw or an open cup. This has allowed the teachers to creatively help other children who are struggling, know exactly what tips and tricks to use to help the others in the classroom as well as Daniel. They have realized that nothing we do is automatic, that our bodies adjust to even the slightest changes and as teachers, we can promote these changes in order to help with development.

Daniel’s friends (his classmates), benefit from this since their teachers are more aware of how a child physically develops. Many of them are learning to help Daniel, by holding his hand and looking out for him even though he is quite capable of doing most things on his own. They realize that Daniel isn’t exactly like them, just as each of them is different from the other. Is Daniel thought of as different or special? No, he is a part of their circle of friends and accepted be each person. This is what inclusion is all about; if acceptance starts with the little ones, then it will be part of the big world.

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Jul 06

OliverTo this day Micah and I are friends.  We talk regularly and hang out together.  In June 2005, he danced at my wedding, and most recently he flew on his own to visit me in Chicago.  We will be friends for life.  Micah has a huge impact on me.  When it was time to write my final paper during my senior year in college describing my approach and philosophy on teaching, nearly 30 percent of the content was about what I had learned from my relationship with Micah.  He taught me that every student learns at a different pace.   That students aren’t just in school to get an education, but are also there to develop social skills and lifelong friends.  He challenged me to teach everyone as much as I can.

Now I am a first-year teacher in the Chicago area.  I continue to practice what I learned about inclusion and friendships.  There is a photo of Micah with his big smile in my classroom reminding me of what true friendship is and how important it is that every student in my classroom feels included.  There is a young man with Asperger’s syndrome who is a student in my classroom.  Although his needs are different from Micah’s, I often try to get him involved with the other students in ways that he might not do himself.

I believe that inclusion is a powerful tool that when used properly has a lifelong effect.  I first learned it when I was a student in high school sitting next to Micah in science class.  I am not learning it as a teacher in high school.

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Jul 06

MikeMost likely if and when I get married, Micah will be standing up there with me.  He has been one of a few that have proven to me that he is a lifetime friend.  He calls me all the time and we talk baseball, school, politics and just about anything that comes to mind…I have been blessed to have known him for this long, and I will only continue to benefit throughout our lives together.

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Jun 03

Micah

The best part of being at college is being around my peers.  I don’t have to be with kids who are younger than me.  I can be with people who are 20, like me, and hang out with them and have fun.

On top of my school work, I do a lot of extra-curricular stuff.  I am in the Social Work club and in Hillel, a Jewish club.  I’m in another Jewish group outside school, called USY (United Synagogue Youth).  I’m also on the national youth board of KASA, which stands for Kids as Self Advocates.  It’s a brand of an organization called Family Voices.  I joined the board of KASA in 2001.

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SpecialQuest Birth–Five: Head Start/Hilton Foundation Training Program
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