Growing up with my older brother, Micah, was not always easy—I mean how many siblings actually get along with their brother or sister all the time! We sure didn’t. Sometimes I wished he wasn’t my brother. And other times, we had a blast together—playing basketball, debating politics, watching funny movies. Having a brother with the label—intellectual disability—meant that our relationship was also different. At times I was embarrassed that my brother didn’t seem like my other friends’ siblings. Other times, I was worried about what his future would look like and I felt that other siblings didn’t have to worry about these types of issues.
However, Micah’s drive for an inclusive education meant that I grew to love and value Micah for Micah, for who he is. Inclusion became fundamentally important for me as well as Micah. Inclusion meant that a community was being created around Micah. When I was in first grade, I saw Micah at recess with his peers—laughing and playing. Throughout my middle school experience, I saw Micah involved in peer groups. That meant that on some weekends, he’d leave home for overnight excursions with his friends. In high school, my older brother encouraged me to go to school dances and ultimately, the prom. He knew how important prom was for his high school experience and he wanted me to have that same “good time”. When I went off to college, I told my new college peers that my brother went to college too. I didn’t always have to explain the advocacy side of him; he could also just be my older brother who was studying at the university. Inclusion normalized his disability. The tangible results of inclusion meant that I could see others value Micah, I could see Micah participating in everyday activities, and in turn I could value Micah.
Now a junior at Mount Holyoke College, I am studying the intersection of disability and education issues. When I graduate I will have my teaching certificate in Early-Childhood Education. It is important that I teach in an inclusive classroom—so that the siblings in my classroom will see other individuals with disabilities participating, engaging with their peers, and ultimately being respected. My hope is that, they too, will be able to learn to appreciate their brother or sister with disabilities.
Most recently I helped Micah move into his dorm room. This was a powerful moment for me.
May all siblings of a brother or sister with a disability be able to help their sibling move out of their home into a home that they choose. May they be able to feel mixed emotions of over-protectiveness and excitement. May they be able to talk to each other in a new way because now they both live away from home. May the sibling (without disabilities) who has felt embarrassed, pushed to the side, heard too many phone calls about a meeting for their sibling, ever felt alone, ever felt uncertain about the role they may play in their brother or sister’s future, ever felt frustrated at the way the rest of the world looks at their brother or sister—may they too experience something so great as I did when I helped my so-called “atypical” “retarded” “can’t do anything” “will never speak” “just put him in an institution” … yes, my creative, courageous, witty, powerful, brilliant, intelligent, loving, conscientious, funny, older brother move into a dorm, so he, too, can be once again be just my brother.
This blog is written/edited by SpecialQuest community members and does not necessarily reflect the perspectives of SpecialQuest Birth-Five or funders. 
Emma,
I really appreciate your honesty! Siblings are neither saints nor sinners…they’re just kids who have some different circumstances than many of their peers. However, you also showed how very ordinary life is (or can be) when disability recedes into the background and a person’s essence is the focal point of a relationship.
Thanks for sharing your experience as Micah’s sister!
Susan
Emma,
You have done a wonderful job of expressing your feelings as Micah’s sister. Hoping other siblings of children/adults with disabilities will share their stories as well. As a parent of an adult with developmental disabilities it means a lot to hear your perspectives including the mixed emotions of over-protectiveness and excitement, but that in the end you love Micah for being Micah!
<3
Emma,
Having gone to college with Micah and helped him as much as I could in his struggle for inclusion on campus I agree with you on almost everything. I also have a cognitively impaired sister who is about to graduate high school and attend Macomb academy in the fall of 11. She hopes to continue on to the Options program at Oakland University one day so she may join me in the chorus at the university as well as have a real college experience. I was astounded that the university denied Micah his rights to live on campus. Because I feel that both he an my sister have the right to experience a real college atmosphere and it is good for them to live on their own. I feel with guidance that both of them will one day live on their own with proper assistance of course.
As an Elementary Education major, however, I am not sure if I agree with inclusion classrooms entirely. I guess it all depends on the person involved. I’m sure you understand that people with any disability require more attention then the rest of the students which takes away from the rest of the class. My sister is in a special ed. class and yet she is just as included as everyone else. She is friends with everyone and sings in the choirs at her high school. When she is in that room, she gets the attention she requires and has grown mentally leaps and bounds.
I am not trying to knock you in anyway. I admire both you, and Micah for your impeccable strength and devotion and I wish you both nothing but the best.
Emma
I just loved your article. I love your honesty, your honest admiration for your brother and your aspirations for inclusivity both for your brother and for future classrooms.
Beautiful.
Sue
mother of an intellectually disabled son, mother of his 2 siblings, and classroom teacher …early childhood…here in Australia.
Cheers.
Emma,
I really enjoyed reading your blog. Knowing both of you when you were at Norup Middle School, and working with your mother on advocacy issues, I have such a fond feeling for your entire family. Micah is so lucky to have such a wonderfully supportive sister!! Keep me posted on your future plans when your studies are finished!!
This was beautiful, Emma. Thanks for allowing us to share in your reflections.